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It feels like ages since I wrote anything of substance here. It’s not that I haven’t tried because there were several times when I sat down to type a stream of thoughts and nothing came to me. It hasn’t been a block so to speak but more of an opening which is weird because one might think words would flow like a river in the Spring but not so much here.

After the few times I didn’t feel the messages I decided to let go of what I thought I was supposed to do, say or write. I let go of everything, my future, ideas and any sliver of a desire I had.

All I can say is I have never felt so much freedom in my life. I felt empty yet completely full. My mind was as calm as it has ever been.

Intentional Silence

So, I am here with nothing of real significance to share other than highly recommending letting go of what you want your life to look like if your current one isn’t going the way you hoped.

I am finding I actually love not having anything to share in depth, there is something particularly special about silence.

Life is good….so very good.



  • March 8, 2016 - 12:29 am

    Lucy - I love your post about silence and it is something I can relate to. None of our lives routinely proceed according to our plans! You show me the wisdom of not forcing things! It’s sometimes difficult to let go! This was inspired!


There is a question that has taken residence in my heart lately, and the answer has a appeared like a feather from the bright blue sky.

As women, how do we add more love into the world? Beyond the quotes, the hallmark cards that eventually end up in the bin, or the Valentine’s day chocolates how do we leave the fragrance of our love everywhere we go?

Throughout my journey, I have found my best days to be the ones where my mind wasn’t leading me. My heart took a stance for my outer world and led me to the places I was able to be of service. I never understood the power of love before I began to give and give even when my mind would fight me. Love leaves a fragrance like no other. It is a soft and gentle breeze that lingers in the air for days. You know the kind, like the sweet smell of jasmine that takes you back to that holiday where you felt free and joyous. I have this with coconut water; the smell takes me back to when I met my husband, and we had our first holiday together in Miami. Every time I smell it and taste it I am instantly transported back to that time in history.

What if we carried within us our unique “fragrance” of the divine feminine woman who loves no matter what?

This new woman doesn’t talk poorly about people; she understands the nature of life as being incredibly hard at times.

Her willingness to listen is deep and vast – she avoids the temptation to fix people.

She loves and loves and loves.

Her judgements never leave her mouth.

Her self-respect resides within the walls of her heart and shares that same respect with the person next to her.

She welcomes someone to sit next to her when they are alone.

Extending a genuine smile at someone and reminding herself we are all the same but different.

Her thoughtful heart goes before her to make the crooked road straight.

The tendency to be a perfectionist dissolves as soon as she realizes there is no such thing.

By nightfall, she is grateful for the hard because she knows she can “do hard” in soft ways.

Artwork by Anastasia Benko

What if this was the “new” woman? I realize this is not the easiest of tasks, but we don’t need to perfect it, we only need to try our best. By the way, when I write “we” I am speaking to those who choose to practice leaving our fragrance wherever we go.

Before we enter a room, let’s remember that we have the potential to alter a person’s day. The love within us can open windows where there is total darkness. All we need to do is be aware of it. Just like that coconut, we have the power to make an impact, a gentle one that lasts for years, if not forever.

Just as this beautiful woman drawn by Anastasia Benko carries flowers with her, we are no different. What we carry within us is what we deliver to others. Let’s make it beautiful, meaningful and thoughtful. The times we don’t may we allow ourselves to begin again and know we did the best we could with what we had in that moment.

Join me?





p.s. I am not intentionally leaving men out of this practice but since I am woman I am simply taking responsibility for my part in the world. If you are a man reading this please do feel my love for you, too.

  • January 21, 2016 - 5:20 pm

    Nanci - Such a beautiful and insightful post and one that needs repeating often. I love your style of writing. It draws me near and makes me want to linger….ReplyCancel

    • February 1, 2016 - 6:23 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you, Nanci. How kind of you to be so thoughtful! Wishing you a beautiful day xReplyCancel

  • January 21, 2016 - 8:32 pm

    Nancy - This is so beautiful Jocelyn. I would like your words on my wall where I can see it everyday as a lovely reminder. 💓💕ReplyCancel

    • February 1, 2016 - 6:23 pm

      Jocelyn - Oh that would be nice!!!!! I am so glad xxReplyCancel

  • January 21, 2016 - 9:51 pm

    Mel - Jocelyn, wow such a beautiful thought provoking post. You’re on the way to this with your sincerity … and not far my dear. M xxReplyCancel

  • January 22, 2016 - 5:06 am

    Lucy - You are such an inspiration! Beautiful insights thoughtfully expressed! Oh, and gorgeous art work!ReplyCancel

    • February 1, 2016 - 6:23 pm

      Jocelyn - You my friend are a beautiful piece of art xxReplyCancel


It festers. It creates discord, and that feeling within that just tips me upside down. I call it the right and wrong dis-ease. For as long as I can remember I have thought regarding “this is right, and this is wrong”, it was sort of my measuring scale or pass or fail. I began to see it as two chairs I had the choice to sit in and neither were very comfortable.

Shortly after my inward journey began, I was given practices to help become more mindful. For instance, one was not judging myself or experiences in terms of duality like good/bad- easy/hard- right/ wrong as much as I could. Seeing things “just were the way they were” was easy enough, right? Well, it seemed so but it wasn’t for me.

My mind was often tired, and noodle like by lunchtime as I had to fight with it to calm it down. With time I began watching it as it corralled thoughts from years ago and brought them into my current experience like an old dust storm. Feeling worn out and exhausted I begged to have a clear mind, just a pause without thoughts, a calm mind that could just settle into the moment instead of running from it. Some days I felt hopeless and powerless to my obsession with analyzing life and processing the outcome of my choices. One day, I felt a sense something would appear and it did in the form of words or encouraging thoughts that led me to do the next single thing I needed to do in order to align myself with a tiny measure of inner calmness. Finally, the sea within me started to settle more and more.


In my work I talk with a lot of women who like me, sometimes struggle with the constant life of duality. I wish I had an answer or a magic potion but in all honesty, it took dedicating my days to the practice of seeing everything for face value. What I did find helpful was stopping myself from attaching any thoughts to what was in front of me. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not, and today I can say that I do it less than I did yesterday.

It is a challenging practice, but when it comes to most instances in life, it works out best when I don’t label it as right or wrong. I don’t get things wrong; I just do them differently next time. If something goes smoothly, then great.

Do you find your mind has a field day with words and their definitions? I have come to know that for me, the less I engage my mind, the better off I am. Don’t get me wrong, the mind is beautiful tool for execution of ideas, just not for running my entire life. I would rather leave that job to a higher power.

The dis-ease of always wondering if I did something right or wrong is slowly fazing out, and my inner world is calmer which has led me to more creative freedom and capacity to love no matter what.


Have you ever taken count of how many times you refer to something as right or wrong? Would you consider practicing the art of focusing on what is in front of you for face value and not labeling it? I wonder if you will experience the same inner freedom I did?

I hope this post has been helpful. Please know it is not meant to advise you, it is merely here to serve those who are meant to read it.



Jocelyn x


Photos are my own. They are from the island of Sylt in Germany.



  • January 13, 2016 - 10:00 am

    Sarita I The Orange Gift Bag - I was meant to read this today:-) I am definitely a good/bad, right/wrong person. I thinking taking things at face value, seeing things for just what they are is what I need right now. Thanks for this post Jocelyn and hugs!ReplyCancel

    • January 19, 2016 - 4:36 pm

      Jocelyn - Don’t you love it when the perfect message comes at the “right” time? I know I do! Sending you lots of warm hugs xxReplyCancel

  • January 21, 2016 - 11:37 am

    Lucy - Love this post! I over analyze too and am working at developing mindfulness! It is inspiring to read about your journey! And, lovely minimal photos 💫🌾🌟ReplyCancel

    • January 21, 2016 - 5:01 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you, Lucy! I am grateful for your kind words….they always make my heart smile. For me, developing this new consciousness is an every day practice and it isn’t always easy but it is worth it! I always learn from you so thank you for stopping by and always being so thoughtful. Jocelyn xxReplyCancel


It is hard to believe that after three years of hard work writing my story, along with Moe Ross, we are finally here.

As some of you may know, I began the journey of writing my story in 2013 as a way of sharing what I have learned about me while traveling on the tour with my former husband, Paul Casey. This story is not about Paul. It’s about what I learned within the context of our relationship. When I began telling the story for this memoir, I had no idea that the writing would help me close the gap between who I was and who I really am. I became deeply aware that my pain could serve a purpose to help others.

Many people have termed my sharing as a brave and courageous act. At first, it was. I had to break through the veils of my public self who had created a dishonest image. As the writing of my story unfolded, the power of sharing our personal stories became more real. I realized how many people, by opening the doors to their recovery from their false self, helped me to be who I am today. I began to feel that the sharing of our stories is a responsible act. I believe it is through the sharing of our stories that I have best learned.

Lost on the PGA and European Tours by Jocelyn Hefner

Within the pages, you will find genuinely sacred moments I shared with Paul on the Tour. I share my most favorite moments and some that made me want to crawl under a rock and fade away. You will also read how I crept out of the darkest of days and learned to embrace my truth in order to live a meaningful life.

My hope is that if there is anyone out there dealing with severe insecurities, perfectionism, addiction to control, and loss of identity, this book will find them and my story will help them feel less alone and offer a way through the darkness.




Purchase Information


Paperback // Hardback // Kindle Version


Barnes & Noble

Paperback // Hardback // Nook Book


Archway Publishing

Paperback // Hardback // E-Book




Lost on the PGA and European Tours

  • January 7, 2016 - 2:41 pm


    • January 8, 2016 - 6:13 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Anastasia. You are such a kind person and I am grateful to have you in my life. xReplyCancel

  • January 7, 2016 - 8:18 pm

    Joanna Waterfall - CONGRATS JOCELYN you’re an inspiration to so many :) xoxo!ReplyCancel

    • January 8, 2016 - 6:13 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you so much, Joanna. xxReplyCancel

  • January 8, 2016 - 1:27 am

    Ashley - I always love our time together and it makes my heart so happy that we have had the fun we have and know there will be many more great times together. So proud of you chickie. Hope to meet your little man sometime soon. XoReplyCancel

    • January 8, 2016 - 6:14 pm

      Jocelyn - Ash, you are always in my mind when I journey back to my favorite memories on your. Oh the laughs we had walking miles and miles through rain, heat and freezing wind. We must have walked a hundred miles with each other?! Thank you for your beautiful heart, always willing to love deeper and deeper. Jocelyn xReplyCancel

  • January 8, 2016 - 2:40 am

    Lucy - I’m excited to read your book! Wishing you much success with this launch!ReplyCancel

    • January 8, 2016 - 6:15 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you, dear Lucy! I hope you enjoy reading it while you are at the beach! Sending you much love, Jocelyn xReplyCancel

  • January 13, 2016 - 9:39 am

    mel - I really look forward to reading this Jocelyn, it sounds like a fascinating story from beginning to the end. Not only is your story a gift but you are also. Biggest hugs and wishing you so much success with this! Mel xReplyCancel

    • January 19, 2016 - 4:36 pm

      Jocelyn - I will be sending it to you soon! Thank you for stopping by, my friend xxReplyCancel

  • January 17, 2016 - 6:35 pm

    Laidback Living | #Laidbacklivingis Weekly Favourite - […] Good evening everyone, how has your weekend been so far? We are experiencing a cold snap over in London at the moment and the gloves and wooly that are currently in use. I just love all the photo’s that are appearing in #Laidbacklivingis at the moment because there is just a large variety of the types of images that are being taken. It just goes to show that Laidback Living means something different to everyone. This weeks favourite was posted by the lovely Jocelyn Hefner from @jocelynhefner who has recently written a memoir called “Lost on the PGA and European Tours” which you can read more about here. […]ReplyCancel


This post has nothing to do with money. It has nothing to do with financial investments. This post is to share with you why I believe it is essential to invest in the experience of life in order to fully live from the center of our being.

On my Christmas break in Carmel-by-the-Sea, I found myself at a quaint and cozy antique store that had low ceilings and the most fabulous book section. I often find myself drawn to old books not only for the smell and the paper texture but the words, wisdom and philosophies so many writers shared freely at that time are inspiring to me.

I had looked through many works of art before I picked up the smallest book in one section called The Life Radiant, written by Lillian Whiting in 1904. I began reading the book and knew it was meant for me when I read “invest in your experience.” Those three words struck me; it was almost as if they were reminding me of what I have done since my awakening or opening four years ago.
Investing in our Expereince For me, investing in my experience meant digging through it all the mud, sorting the good, bad and the ugly and then using those ingredients to better understand myself and become friends with myself and life again. I knew if I could befriend myself I would have a better chance of living a more fulfilled life. So, I did. I invested every single minute of my days, and that’s no exaggeration. Self-discovery and deep personal travels became my full-time job, and I joked about having a Pd.D in inner work. It was so hard some days, like the pit of hell but I made it out, and here I am sharing it with you. Today, I am married to an honorable man, my son has taken residence in my heart, my book is about to be distributed, and I am drawn to people I can help all because I chose to lean in and not run away.

I consider the result of my investment the best possible return I could have ever hoped for.

So, tell me…do you invest in your experiences? Have you seen the return you want desire?




  • January 4, 2016 - 4:47 pm

    Nancy - Your post today really speaks to me and challenges me as well. It’s easy to sly away from really experiencing life and to live either vicariously through someone else or hide. I look forward to your new publication…..ReplyCancel

    • January 5, 2016 - 3:05 pm

      Jocelyn - I am so glad, Nancy. Thank you for being here….JocelynReplyCancel

  • January 5, 2016 - 3:52 pm

    Lucy - Beautiful meaningful post! I am excited to read your book and hoping it will be here soon!ReplyCancel