This post comes to you from a place very deep and sacred within me. My hope is that you will take it into your heart, swirl it around and send the vibration of transformation back out into wherever you are in the world. Keep in mind, the details shared here are an attempt to bring us all closer to the understanding that we are all wounded on some level as human beings, we have moments, hours and years of pain and discontent, but that doesn’t mean we cannot learn from those moments. In this article I share my transition from a previous life of pure ambition to one of meaning. If you take your time, you will read the before and after aspects of my journey. I invite you to read slowly and respond even slower if you wish.
Being ambitious was always a part of my daily structure. Since a young age I, like so many of you were taught to be go-getters and to do something with life. I thought that meant I needed to go to college and get a four-year degree, maybe even stay a little longer and get my Masters degree. Feeling like a failure because I had neither made me ambitious and hyper sensitive to perfection in the other areas of my life which ultimately led me to my knees. The story in between will be told in greater detail soon but the deeper story here is the way my life has evolved from one of ambition to a life with meaning.
For me, ambition was what drove me for many years. I took workshops to learn and expand my knowledge base and appear smarter to those I spoke with. I moved half way across the country to become certified in equine therapy. I began multiple businesses, throwing myself into each one of them as if they were the “answer”. What I found was a sense of emptiness with each blog, website, workshop and conference I attended. I worked hard day and night for something I didn’t truly want but was brought up to finish what I started so I did. Talk about torture! I wrote less and less and allowed my creative mind to take over a little bit more which led to days where I would just walk around and learn how to be still with myself.
Over time I realized my ambition had occupied drivers seat within my heart and soul. Nevertheless, I learned a lot from all my learning adventures and I am grateful for all of the skills I can now pass on to others who are in need. The path I have been on for the last three years has been one of immense self-discovery and one I am happy to share with others.
With each blog my content has traveled deeper and deeper into my inner life which has been challenging at times. What has happened for me is somewhat difficult to put into words so I will do my best to explain it in a simple way. I crave meaning in my life. Ambition has been dissolved because I realize I of my own self can really do nothing. Whenever the “I” is involved there is a sense of getting instead of giving. Simply, I feel better when I give. The days of doing things just for the fun of it are over and I realize this may sound harsh. Taking conversations to a higher level is one example of living a life of meaning. Being of service to others is just another. The most profound lesson for me so far has been in allowing myself to be led to the lessons I need to learn to grow and expand my heart to love more and allow myself to be loved by others as well.
When I started my inner journey I longed for meaning in my life. I could taste it during times of complete silence but those moments were fleeting until I practiced enough and remained disciplined. The shoes, handbags, butlers, drivers and private planes were just not doing it for me anymore. I wanted more substance in my life and I asked for it-out loud I begged to know who I really was and for the essence of real life to be revealed to me. What I didn’t know is the journey I would take over the course of nearly four years and how much I would learn about what living a meaningful life means to me. At the end of the day, living a life of meaning begins with kindness, and I am learning my new definition of that very word every single day.
Wishing you all a string of meaningful moments,