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A Mindful and Heart Centered Approach to The Difficult Conversation

Let’s be honest, difficult conversations are not fun. These nail-biting moments don’t come in a perfectly wrapped box adorned with a sweet note and a shiny bow. I used to shy away from having conversations that involved too much emotion in fear of the other person getting hurt or not liking me afterwards.  I have come to see them as a way to learn profound lessons and an opportunity to share from a loving place. There are a few things I was taught from a recent experience, and I hope you will find them helpful the next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation. Please know that I am not advising you on what you should do or not do, my sharing is to inspire you to do what feels right within you.

A little background about the topic of my difficult conversation: I was told by a dear friend that some gossip was going around about me by another friend. I am not into gossiping; I am into truth. I dig that stuff. At first I just thought, let it go-this too shall pass. Well, it kept on coming back to me in the middle of the night. When something doesn’t dissolve with a dose of surrender then I need to clear it up in a exchange of words and in person, no email or text.

I invited my friend over to my house (the one accused of sharing incorrect truth) and shared with her what I heard. She left feeling loved, heard, encouraged and more aware than when she walked in. Come to find out, her words taken out of context completely which is what I assumed to be the truth. My mission was accomplished, and our friendship is richer than it was before.

A Mindful Approach to The Difficult Conversation |  The Inner Interior

+The first step is to get clear on the motivation. I asked myself if I really needed to enter this conversation. Will it bring peace or dangle anger and resentment over our relationship? We must be mindful in approaching the why. In this experience, I wanted to give the person an opportunity to share their truth.

+Secondly, I made sure I was coming from a place of principle, not personality. In my personality, I would have found everything wrong and found fault in her rather than focusing on my behavior. It is always my intention to share from my heart; the tender place within that only generates love. From here all things are possible!

Principles are the framework we live our lives by. Personalities are nothing by broken nails that cannot withstand a beautiful piece of artwork.

+Next I asked myself, “Is this for the greater good?” Would I actually be doing her a favor by bringing this situation to her attention? It would be unfortunate for her to learn this lesson in a painful way at another time from someone else. I decided that it was for the greater good of her evolvement as a woman and hopefully the example I show her she could one day pass on to another girl. We are all doing the best we can, right? Would you consider reminding yourself that everyone is trying to be their highest self, but in some instances it may not be revealed that way?

+Lastly and most important, find the love. Where is it?  It is kind to give someone the chance to share their truth. It is loving for us to offer another the opportunity to be loved, even in the midst of a difficult conversation.

When we focus on our principles for life rather than someone’s personality, we often find our days more enjoyable, and a stream of harmony flowing quietly through our inner interior. Witnessing our own behavior, forgiving ourselves and others is a main practice for me, one I have to work on every single day of my life.

How do you go about having the difficult conversation? Do you have your own approach? Please, do share!

I hope this post has been helpful to you and don’t forget to share it with those you think might benefit from knowing they aren’t alone in the boat of conversation!

Thank you for being here and inspiring me to live mindfully and from a place of love.

With love,


photo is mine.

  • March 31, 2015 - 3:32 pm

    mugs - Thank you Jocelyn.. These conversations from love pave the way for understanding. I was confronted one day by I person I know and who knows me. I told of being present for a local man who was in hospice care. This man was a community leader and activist with a long list of accomplishments, national recognition and rewards. I was told .”Oh, do you remember when he killed one of my high school students?”I didn’t know what to say I was in such shock. I knew this woman was not in favor of the man’s politics and wondered why I had never heard anything of this nature. I left and asked everyone I knew who had known him for 4–50 some years if I had missed something like this. They all echoed “Definatly Not!!!!” Now I had to enter the conversation again with this woman, so I told her I had heard nothing about this and everyone who knew him had no clue where this came from. She had been apparently spreading this lie and as it turned out, it was someone else with the same name. I have seen her since. I don’t even remember if she apologized, but I told her I hoped she would clarify the facts to clear the harm she had caused. He died a few days later and I was so thankful I had been present for him by his bedside and present for him at the table. We need to be clear and as you say, through the heart, and be present for each other in these circumstances.ReplyCancel

    • April 3, 2015 - 7:23 pm

      Jocelyn - Yep….as we know one of the best mantras is – do no harm. Much love…Jocelyn xxReplyCancel

  • March 31, 2015 - 10:48 pm

    moe - This is beautiful Jocelyn…ReplyCancel

    • April 3, 2015 - 7:23 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you xxReplyCancel

  • April 1, 2015 - 2:51 am

    Catherine @ farmhousehome - I haven’t had to have to many difficult conversations, I find it really hard. Coming from a place of principle rather than personality has been the aha moment for me and one I’ll practice in the future. xReplyCancel

    • April 3, 2015 - 7:25 pm

      Jocelyn - Catherine, I am glad you got something from this article! You could also just bake a fantastic cake and have a difficult conversation….the yummy cake will make the difficult part dissolve “just like that!” Jocelyn xxReplyCancel

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