Let’s be honest, difficult conversations are not fun. These nail-biting moments don’t come in a perfectly wrapped box adorned with a sweet note and a shiny bow. I used to shy away from having conversations that involved too much emotion in fear of the other person getting hurt or not liking me afterwards. I have come to see them as a way to learn profound lessons and an opportunity to share from a loving place. There are a few things I was taught from a recent experience, and I hope you will find them helpful the next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation. Please know that I am not advising you on what you should do or not do, my sharing is to inspire you to do what feels right within you.
A little background about the topic of my difficult conversation: I was told by a dear friend that some gossip was going around about me by another friend. I am not into gossiping; I am into truth. I dig that stuff. At first I just thought, let it go-this too shall pass. Well, it kept on coming back to me in the middle of the night. When something doesn’t dissolve with a dose of surrender then I need to clear it up in a exchange of words and in person, no email or text.
I invited my friend over to my house (the one accused of sharing incorrect truth) and shared with her what I heard. She left feeling loved, heard, encouraged and more aware than when she walked in. Come to find out, her words taken out of context completely which is what I assumed to be the truth. My mission was accomplished, and our friendship is richer than it was before.
+The first step is to get clear on the motivation. I asked myself if I really needed to enter this conversation. Will it bring peace or dangle anger and resentment over our relationship? We must be mindful in approaching the why. In this experience, I wanted to give the person an opportunity to share their truth.
+Secondly, I made sure I was coming from a place of principle, not personality. In my personality, I would have found everything wrong and found fault in her rather than focusing on my behavior. It is always my intention to share from my heart; the tender place within that only generates love. From here all things are possible!
Principles are the framework we live our lives by. Personalities are nothing by broken nails that cannot withstand a beautiful piece of artwork.
+Next I asked myself, “Is this for the greater good?” Would I actually be doing her a favor by bringing this situation to her attention? It would be unfortunate for her to learn this lesson in a painful way at another time from someone else. I decided that it was for the greater good of her evolvement as a woman and hopefully the example I show her she could one day pass on to another girl. We are all doing the best we can, right? Would you consider reminding yourself that everyone is trying to be their highest self, but in some instances it may not be revealed that way?
+Lastly and most important, find the love. Where is it? It is kind to give someone the chance to share their truth. It is loving for us to offer another the opportunity to be loved, even in the midst of a difficult conversation.
When we focus on our principles for life rather than someone’s personality, we often find our days more enjoyable, and a stream of harmony flowing quietly through our inner interior. Witnessing our own behavior, forgiving ourselves and others is a main practice for me, one I have to work on every single day of my life.
How do you go about having the difficult conversation? Do you have your own approach? Please, do share!
I hope this post has been helpful to you and don’t forget to share it with those you think might benefit from knowing they aren’t alone in the boat of conversation!
Thank you for being here and inspiring me to live mindfully and from a place of love.
photo is mine.