One way or another, we all have to find what best fosters the flowering of our humanity in this contemporary life, and dedicate ourselves to that. ~Joseph Campbell
There are some days when I feel as though someone let the air right out of my sails. I am in my boat, sailing along and then bam!…I suddenly do not recognize the boat anymore and the sails have dropped down to the deck. Have you ever felt like this? This feeling of “nothing” came upon when I was graced with the flu which I in turn decided to rename it as my time of being “influenced”. I do not buy into sickness although I respect the body and take care of it as much as I can. It had been 8 years since I was last sick, I remember the last time I was sick and it was awful, I felt like I was slowly dying. You know that feeling? On top of all of this, I got my allergy and this time it was the worst ever. I honestly thought this was a lesson from the universe saying I needed to slow down and become more aware but in actual fact, it was the best thing ever. I was basically forced to surrender everything I knew about the allergy and the flu which pretty much filtered into my inner and outer life. I realized the moment I surrendered to the flu, allergy and lack of drive I was free of everything. I am the type of person who wants to figure everything out, have all my ducks in somewhat of a row and at least see the horizon. When I don’t “know” anything it is kind of blissful, and this is what I have learned and my “flu” certainly influenced me to look at my life in a little different way…..
For most of the eight days on my influential trip I was feeling like the bottom of the barrel, I read and read and read from the body of teaching I study. I was able to soak in a lot and let it sink in while I slept like a log. I am a big reader, but only of material that is real, and will move me forward. I have no interest in fictional stories, I prefer transformational stories of how people changed their lives and what they learned from their journey.
As I read, I forgot what day it was (almost) and the time seemed to go by lightning fast. I would get up to get some water every now and then and take notice of how incredibly messy my garden was from the wind storm. Daphne, my neighbor made my dinners for me because cooking required too much standing time, how kind is she? Within my time of intense reflection, I came to understand that I really know nothing at all, I just know what I know today. Surrendering is not new to me nor is it easy, and when I realized I had to release the hold I had on life I felt how tight my grip was. I needed to be in”flu”enced in order to realize what needed to be shifted in my life and it was really just one tiny little alteration in my perspective.
I ventured out on Tuesday to get some flowers, I had been missing my little floral friends while I was on the couch staring into books. The lady at Camelback Flowers helped me choose the coffee bean, blooming kale and roses which were then packaged so nicely with paper and a jute string tied around the outside. When I got home I couldn’t wait to get them in water where I knew they would be happy. As I gently removed the jute from the outside of the flowers it hit me, this was exactly what I was doing by surrendering, I was loosening the tie I had around myself. In order to bloom fully, one must let go of what they want from a personal sense and lean into what IS. I mean really you guys, how did I not see that before? I guess it took a lot of quiet time and some beautiful flowers to inspire my inner interior.
You may be asking yourself how to do this surrender thing. Am I close to being right? Here is the low down on how I do it: When I have come to the point where I realize I need to give it up, let go and allow life to flow I close my eyes and try my best to rest my mind for a moment. When the mind is still, I repeat to myself that I surrender everything-not almost everything but every THING. There is an inner release that happens and I know I have set myself free of trying to figure anything out or make anything happen. The last little thing is to trust the outcome knowing life is in my favor and I am not here to fail, I am here to learn and to enjoy every moment. If you can do this, which I know we all can, I believe your “issue” will shift….from my experience, there is no other way for it to dissolve and take new form than to surrender. You may find your own way to do this which is wonderful. I am in no way saying my way is the best or the only way because if I did that would be very silly of me. My way is simply being shared to guide you to your very own way….
I hope this is helpful to anyone who has ever felt the same way and maybe, just for a moment thought they were alone. I love to share things like this because I don’t think I am the only one and I know how hard surrender can be. Moe, my mentor, always says to me “we can do hard in soft ways”. Oh yes, we can.
I wish you and everyone in your day a beautiful weekend filled with peaceful moments and lots of laughter,
All photography by Jocelyn Casey.