“You are where you are supposed to be because that is where you are”. – Buddha
When I look down at my feet I am reminded that I am right where I am. If I close my eyes and take a deep breathe I am led into the inner interior of my life which is more telling than the outer I can assure you. There was a time when I was terribly afraid of taking a deeper look into my inner life in fear of what I might find or even scarier, learn about myself. It didn’t matter who told me, it could have been Buddha himself but I wasn’t going to push through one more bit. I was stubborn and scared. Until one day I was given news that shocked me so much I thought my life was over. Today, I can say with my whole heart, that news actually saved my life. Hearing a divorce was imminent was a saving grace and ultimately gave me my self back but not before a lot of searching and listening.
I would like to return to the part of the quote “where you are”. Many women ask me how I could accept where I was at the time of so much pain. The truth is, I had no choice. When I was told my marriage was over I couldn’t speak. Literally, I was siting across from my then husband and my lip was quivering so much I wanted to cry but I did not want him to see me fall apart. Yes, that is how good I was at hiding my feelings (when I actually felt them). When I got up from our discussion I remember walking into the bathroom and crying so hard my false eyelashes fell out. I was already feeling lonely and abandoned but there was something inside of me that just whispered, keep going…you can do this. I wasn’t a stranger to difficult tasks or hard emotions but I was a stranger to being emotionally sober when it came to pain. After all, I was right where I was at because that was where I was meant to be. I remember telling my coach at the time I need proof everything will be ok. You see, she herself had already experienced similar situations as I did and she had done the work to overcome and learn from them but I hadn’t (yet). I wanted to so desperately though, I really did. One day I did.
My days and nights were spent learning to feel, accept, dive deep and trust myself again and again. Essentially, I was returning to my Self, a woman I barely knew. Being content with reality got easier and easier, and I do think it was down to a few things I would like to share in case you ever find yourself or a friend in a similar situation. Please remember my intention is not to tell anyone what they should be doing, it is simply my way of extending my experience in hopes it may inspire others to take the next step.
Do the next single thing. The mind can be very strong and can often feel like a tornado. My mind was swirling all the time, I felt as though I was in a washing machine all the time and could never get out until I began the practice of repeating my mantra, just do the next single thing that will add peace to this moment. Sometimes it would be to drink some water, other times it would be to simply stand up and walk to the door. In my knowing, the mind can master a situation where the heart gently allows the situation to flow naturally and softly. The mind doesn’t feel, the heart and soul do so when we can learn to quiet the mind just a tad we can give our heart permission to lead us to peace and love. Keep in mind this is not to divert someone to escaping feelings, it is mainly acts as a support when the mind wants to go on a roller coaster ride.
Read Uplifting Material. Reading material that will move us forward is essential in dealing with any kind of situation in life. I realized keeping my consciousness filled with truth. Take a moment to look through your library and choose a book that will fill your heart with hope and inspiration. Today, I do not read fiction books, just the material directly related to my spiritual practice. Keep it light, keep it meaningful!
Be Mindful and Selective. Talking to everyone about “where you are at” can be healing as well as harmful. I can remember sharing my experience with someone once only to receive a handful of advice that only made me feel worse. Be mindful and choose people you know will support where you are at in your life and not try and “fix” you. I also learned to be up front with someone and make them aware I just wanted to be heard, not advised which worked quite well.
Design Matters. With every good design there is a product that functions seamlessly. I began to design my day with a plan that allowed for flexibility but also kept me on track. Providing too much open time and no organization gave me too much time to think about the past or future and just be present.
Be Gentle with Yourself. I must of heard this one million times through my recovery….be gentle with yourself. It’s fairly simple, be your own best friend and gently remind yourself every day you are doing the very best you can.
Trust the Process. We can revert back to the quote at the beginning now. We are where we are at because that is exactly where we are supposed to be. This is a helpful reminder when hope is fading and thoughts of “why me” start rolling in. I have come to know the lessons are in the process and in order to move forward we must fully embrace every aspect. I found trusting the process very hard until I did it enough times to witness the fruitage acceptance brings.
After three intense years of returning to my essential self I have used every one of the practices shared here. I invite you to integrate these into your own day and watch the miracles happen. If you know of a friend dealing with a challenging time please do share!
While I do not intend to perfect them in any way, each of them lead me to that still point within that tells me all is well, no matter what my mind tells me.
I wish you and everyone in your day a string of beautiful moments.
Thank you for being here,
photo by yours truly.