Have you ever said “yes” when you meant “no“? Can you relate to not wanting to hurt someones feelings, so you stuffed your emotions deep down inside only to find out later you felt like the emotional flu took over every fiber of your being? I can relate and so many times I dimmed my voice down to mere silence to be liked and accepted. The thought of someone not liking me because of something I said was devastating to me.
I was once known as the Ice Queen, quiet, stoic and very still. I rarely said anything for fear of it coming off as stupid or the worst of all, wrong. I can see I rarely used my voice because I didn’t know how. Well, that was then, and here we are now. Today, I am in a place where after many years of addressing this very small part of me, the shadows are disappearing and new light has arrived.
In my work, I am noticing a common thread in the fabric of my life as well as those I coach which is what inspired me to share this part of my inward journey.
The balance of delivering a response softly yet directly is something I still find incredibly challenging. On one hand, we don’t want to be so direct we come off as arrogant, and on the other, we cannot afford to be sloppy and wobbly in our approach to life.
Finding our voices can sometimes take a lifetime but I have come to learn a few things, and I hope you find them useful.
In my knowing, trying to balance anything activates the mind which is where we get into trouble. The mind lives in the world of duality, right/wrong, good/bad, hard/easy and can make the journey to the heart a little more rigorous, but that is only temporary if we have a practice.
First of all, forget balance altogether. Just stop trying to do it. It won’t work and hasn’t worked for anyone I know. What we need to focus on is making room for our heart to open AND integrating the masculine and feminine nature of us to use our voice in an authentic way.
How do we make room? We do a little “clear out” or a spring clean on the inside. You can get a few practices here which will help you create room in your inner interior. Just like a living room with too many couches in it when all you need is one, we only need one voice, and that is the still small voice within all of us.
Integrating the masculine and feminine sides of myself is something I have been working on for years with Moe. Yes, years. I am humbled to say I am as close as I ever have been to being able to deliver a message to someone gently (feminine) yet directly (masculine), so there is no confusion, and the love is still palpable. Every once in a while I blow it big time and I realize it happens because I am not centered.
So, instead of punishing myself, I take a few deep breaths and start over again. Remember, the breath is fresh every second and that is the moment where we can press start and begin again.
If you are like me and like to practice this, focus on how you present an idea or respond to someone. Are you leading with your mind or you heart? Have you integrated your approach? Most times if I write an email when I am upset it comes across that way, and I may never get a response.
If I center myself first by closing my eyes for a moment and taking my focus to my heart, I am aligned with my intention and my message is clear and concise. People seem to love clean, crystal clear and honest communication. Don’t you?
I always like to ask myself, “Are you who you want to be in this moment?” This question requires a PAUSE, and if we do not pause, we are walking towards a tangled web of disappointment and frustration, not to mention a scattering mind.
As a woman who never used her voice, I can relate to those I meet today who apologize for everything because they don’t know what else to say. I have learned that using our voice can look like a “thank you” or a simple “I understand“. Using our voice doesn’t always mean we have to deliver a grand message as if we are on stage, but we do need to honor ourselves and our journey. We won’t get it right every single time and that is part of the beauty. If we don’t know exactly what to say in a situation where we are being accused of something we did or criticized for our behavior, allow some time for your inner guide to lead you. Sit still even though that can be hard and listen to your intuition, it will never fail you.
I hope this has been helpful and if anyone has any questions, please leave them below or send me a private message through the contact form.
Please remember my writing are only meant to be an inspiration to you and your journey, I am not advising you on what you should do. You have a unique way all on your own which will find you in due time.
Thank you for being here,
**Image is my own.