Life is like a river, always flowing and never at a stand still. There are rocks at the bottom we occasionally feel, some sharp, others smooth. The currents that come unexpectedly are often the most profound lessons; at least this is what I have found to be true. I never thought I would be able to stay in the river when it got rough, but today I know I can. I welcome the water to flow any way it pleases and for the rocks to be what they are. My passion is helping others to dig deep and find their life jacket and resources essential for navigating the river we call life. This post is meant to inspire you if you find yourself in the current and not sure where to turn. Please know I believe we all have the answers within ourselves and it would be foolish for me to think I have the answers for you or even advice. My hope is that by reading this you feel supported and encouraged to continue seeking goodness within yourself. Let’s continue….
In 2011, I was living in Kentucky while my divorce was being finalized and found the endless hills and lush green grass incredibly healing for my inner life. My mind craved silence, and my heart wanted to give back in any way I could. Lucky enough to be accepted as an instructor to teach children with autism and traumatic brain injuries how to ride horses, I was able to pour my heart into the children I called my students.
My mind was able to switch off when I was alone with the horses but as soon as I drove home I began to feel lonely and abandoned. I wanted to jump the river and sit on the bank for a while waiting for life to pass by and my for my heart to heal. I realize today my students were the ones who kept me swimming, they reminded me that my life wasn’t that bad at all. The truth is, I was the student, they were my teachers.
My coach reminded me day after day that I could easily forget working on myself, growing and evolving in exchange for a lounge chair on an island in the Bahamas. I thought about it for a moment, and very quickly got back to work on getting emotionally sober. Sitting on a beach was the last thing I wanted to do. A inner forward pull was happening within me, and nothing could keep me from it. The only thing to do in times like that was the next single thing. Sometimes it was to make a cup of tea, write/journal or take my dogs for a walk in the field where the grass was the most beautiful golden color and higher than my waist. Somehow, learning that staying in river regardless of how hard it was was worth it.
I hit rock bottom many times; each time surprised I could be as low as I was. It occurred to me after a year of work that my heart and soul are capable of much more than I think. It was then I asked life to continue bringing lessons; the stronger the current, the deeper the lesson and the more veils of illusion removed. With the illusions dissolving, the only thing that could take their place was the truth, and that could only be found in the still small voice, in silence.
Throughout my many excursions on the river, I found rafts, tools and resources within myself that helped me along and made space for allowance and acceptance of whatever came along. My sincere contribution in this life is to help others find their way to navigate the river no matter how unstable they feel. My experience of staying in and flowing with the river has given me proof that I am not my mind. I am an instrument in which something greater than me will use to whatever purpose it desires. The only requirement is to stay in flow, stay in the river and know that abundance, supply, love and substance are not found on the banks of a river….they are the river.
photo is my own.