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My Book- The Truth of My Shattered and Shocking Return

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you COME ALIVE and go do it, because what the world needs is people that have come alive.”
~Dr. Howard Thurman

The Inner Interior - The Book

I always wanted to be a writer, but my lack of experience held me back. I always wanted to share, but my lack of courage weighed on my shoulders. Speaking in front of others just wasn’t something I ever saw myself doing. I was afraid of being judged and criticized. That is, until I became aware of how my story could help and inspire others who had also lost all hope in returning to who they really are.

Along with Moe Ross, my mentor, we are writing a book about my journey of being lost in another man’s world and the world of material wealth. My intention is to share my story from my experience, it is my truth, not his.


 

Excerpt from book : In this book, Jocelyn Hefner shares her personal crucifixion and resurrection. She heard an inner call to live her own dreams, but she did not answer the call. She was caught up in the extravagant lifestyle, the six-thousand dollar dress in the green-leather-lined dressing room in Harrods, flying in private jets, staying in some of the most beautiful hotels on golf courses around the world, and the compulsion to stay by his side so no one else would be. This story is a powerful testimony to the seduction of the material world, the fear of losing her “man,” and the price we pay for not listening to and actualizing our own dreams. This intimate and personally revealing story with the PGA and European Tour as the backdrop, offers a wide view into Jocelyn’s inner life behind the scenes of her journey with a professional golfer and the tours. This is also a story of the journey of meeting Moe, the woman who took her hand and helped her to remember who she really is and return to living a deep and meaningful life.

 


It was a crisp October day in Illinois as Moe and I were having a conversation about my story. I remember the moment when we realized my story might help others. Neither of us knew the journey it would take us on, and today we both feel this is just one way we are giving back to a world that has given us so much love.

As we began the process of “telling the story” I wrote down every memory, tournament, celebration and meaningful moment from the years 2001 to 2011. I cried and laughed during most of it, and after 15 hours, my story of my life with Paul Casey was recorded. This process was sacred and meaningful and difficult. As I recalled memory after memory, I could see how one decision led to another and how grateful I remain for what I learned on our journey together.


 

Excerpt from book:

So it was. I was living in a gorgeous, immaculate house. He was gone. The life we had created together was over. My fear of not being enough and losing him had come true. He promised there wasn’t another woman; I was not a “bad wife” it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t believe him. It didn’t matter.

My fear of not being enough and losing him had come true. He promised there wasn’t another woman; I was not a “bad wife” it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t believe him. It didn’t matter.

Lying in bed, it felt like a thousand voices were in my head; all of them screaming that I failed. I didn’t do it right. I didn’t do enough. I did too much. I was pathetic. I remember wanting my coach to tell me I had not failed. Please tell me he was a jerk. While anger did not surface at this time, I gave myself permission to be angry.

The lights went out in my life. Despair is despair whether you are living in luxury or are homeless on a sidewalk. Despair is deep inside of us and has very little to do with what it looks like on the outside. There’s just no winning with any talks about despair. It’s a dark place. It’s hell. When the lights go out, it doesn’t matter whether you are in a mansion, in a hotel room, or under a bridge. There is no darkness like the cave of despair.

 


As we wrote the story, our collaboration felt like two women weaving a beautiful fabric. I saw how until I had “righted” my life, we couldn’t “write” it.

While working/writing together, I saw that working in a tolerant atmosphere allowed my creativity to flow naturally.

I stopped worrying about criticism from the public and instead found myself being mindful to be honest and respectful to the journey.

When my son was born, I looked into his sweet eyes and his face, and once again remembered my purpose in life. The book of my story is just another birthing of aspects of me. The “labor pains” are ones I wouldn’t trade for anything.

My prayer is that we all birth something new every single day…..

The release date of the book will be announced; however, let me know if you want me to let you know personally, before the public announcement.

Blessings to us all.

Jocelyn

 

Excerpts from the book are italicized.

  • March 5, 2015 - 2:34 pm

    Lisbeths - Lovely Jocelyn ♡
    you have everything you need. a loving man, a healthy child and you!

    xxx

    KarinReplyCancel

    • March 5, 2015 - 4:42 pm

      Jocelyn - Dear Karin,

      Thank you for your sweet words. You are right, I do have everything I need and that includes love…the deepest form from within. Much love to you my friend, Jocelyn xxReplyCancel

      • March 5, 2015 - 5:23 pm

        lisbeths - Dear Jocelyn ♡
        with pleasure!

        Ground yourself, love yourself, protect your private space!

        I’m looking forward to your book.

        xxx

        KarinReplyCancel

  • March 5, 2015 - 3:00 pm

    Kate Johnson - loved reading this and I love what Moe does for me and others . I would be blessed to hear your story from you sometimeReplyCancel

    • March 5, 2015 - 4:43 pm

      Jocelyn - Hello Kate,

      Do you live near Moe? If so, the next time I am at Hollyhock I would love to meet. Blessings, Jocelyn xReplyCancel

  • March 5, 2015 - 3:00 pm

    Marie - Lovely, wonderful Jocelyn. Such a generous thing of you to share a small part of your Life story with us. You are so right, your story will help others, not only Those who live their very often unreal lives on either of the two golfing tours. I am very Close to Pernilla Björn and she is going through her hell right now. It is a very strange role we have, as “players wives”, as this was something of a title, or an ID. One of the most important things for us, is to keep a balanced, healthy Life together with your husband. Something that is anything but easy, as they live in a World that is unreal to most of us.
    I would absolutely love to read your book!
    Lots of love, MarieReplyCancel

    • March 5, 2015 - 4:46 pm

      Jocelyn - Dearest Marie,

      I love reading your words. I miss you and the times we shared on the golf course. Thank you for your encouraging support! Much love to you and your family, Jocelyn xxReplyCancel

  • March 5, 2015 - 8:50 pm

    Pernilla - Dearest Joc,

    You are such an inspirational human being! I’m in awe of how you have turned your life around and now live in blissful happiness.

    I’m in the middle of a similar journey and have thankfully my own Moe holding my hand. I also have wonderful friends, like Marie, who listens without judgement.

    I have a few clouds that I need to accept and forgive before they can disappear and let the sun shine on me again. I know it will happen. I feel as if it already has. The sunglasses are being polished as I write this 😉

    You know I believe that there is a reason and meaning behind everything that happens in our lives. When one is convinced that is the case, like I am, it is easier to deal with the ups and downs in life. They are all meant to be.

    Joc, you have already helped me by letting me follow your journey and showing the way! Thank you! You are amazing!

    All my love, P xxxReplyCancel

    • March 6, 2015 - 3:14 am

      Jocelyn - Sweet Pernilla,

      You are an inspiration and always have been since the first time we met in Switzerland! Who would have thought our journeys would continue as they have and we would still be so connected.

      Thank you for sharing your truth and your love…I am in awe of how you are handling your situation with grace and please know we are holding hands the entire way…

      With love and gratitude,

      Jocelyn xxReplyCancel

  • March 6, 2015 - 12:28 am

    Nancy - Congratulations Jocelyn! I am looking forward to reading your book. You have certainly inspired me with your words. I hope you write a book about your relationship with the horses too!
    Love as nd hugs,
    NancyReplyCancel

  • March 6, 2015 - 2:08 am

    Suzanne Cannon - I would love to read your book…and yep.. go Magic Moe:-)ReplyCancel

    • March 6, 2015 - 7:47 pm

      Jocelyn - Suzanne, I love that, Magic Moe! Should we start calling her that now? 😉 Jocelyn xReplyCancel

  • March 6, 2015 - 2:12 am

    Alli - Bravo to you for writing this and being brave enough to bleed onto the pages. I look forward to reading your book!

    XxReplyCancel

    • March 6, 2015 - 7:47 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you, Alli and I look forward to hearing how you like it! xxReplyCancel

  • March 6, 2015 - 5:11 am

    Sharon - Wonderful news, Jocelyn! Your strength, creativity and generous sharing of your gifts is sure to shine through in this book. Just as you frame and image to capture the essence of your subject in photos, I’m sure you will tell your story with an eye to both sharing what is unique in your experience and how others can follow your lead in emerging from despair. You are courageous and pursue your goals with unflinching honesty and dedicated hard work–a recipe for success. I look forward to reading your book! Put my name on the list of fans eager to follow your progress!
    With love, SharonReplyCancel

    • March 6, 2015 - 7:46 pm

      Jocelyn - Dear Sharon,

      Thank you! We are very excited to be sharing my story with the world. You have known me for quite some time and I appreciate you being such a wonderful mentor to me in a way…I hope you know how much our friendship means to me. I do miss you and our Epona days (BSD) but they will stay in my heart forever! Love, Jocelyn xReplyCancel

  • March 8, 2015 - 5:21 pm

    Tamara - Amazing, so encouraging as well as inspiring ” these words are testimonal words of healing ” caint wait to read your journey. Thank you for sharing your story .. I’m blessed to know you & call you my friend . TamaraReplyCancel

    • March 10, 2015 - 3:18 am

      Jocelyn - Thank you so much, Tamara! xxReplyCancel

  • March 9, 2015 - 8:57 pm

    Anastasia - You are so so brave. I can’t wait to read every bit of it!
    <3 A.ReplyCancel

    • March 10, 2015 - 3:14 am

      Jocelyn - Sweet Anastasia,

      Thank you for taking a few moments to read the post and comment. It always makes me smile to read your messages. I will be sure to get you a copy when it is ready for purchase. Jocelyn xoxoReplyCancel

  • March 10, 2015 - 11:50 am

    Hamish - I hope this proves to be a cathartic event, as, despite recent happiness, there is obviously lingering pain. I look forward to reading it.

    Love

    HReplyCancel

    • March 10, 2015 - 2:09 pm

      Jocelyn - Hello H,

      Thank you for stopping by!

      It was certainly cathartic but keep in mind this book has been in process for a couple of years. Over the last four years I have made it my job to soften the pain and move on with my life. As you say, the recent events are beyond blissful. There’s no lingering pain, just respect for my journey. Hope all is well in Scotland! J xReplyCancel

      • March 11, 2015 - 10:11 am

        Hamish - Glad to hear it. Spring is springing and we have an abundance of snowdrops and crocuses this year, so it’s very colourful. Dundee is obsessed with daffodils, so we’ll be wall to wall yellow soon. The wee one’s looking very cute in your latest photo, but then why wouldn’t he?ReplyCancel

        • March 11, 2015 - 8:25 pm

          Jocelyn - YAY for Spring! It is also warmer here, all 80 degrees F of it! 🙂ReplyCancel

  • March 16, 2015 - 9:15 pm

    Mel - Wow. I’m at loss for words Jocelyn. I certainly wasn’t expecting that at all. From what I read here, it’s going to be a great read and I certainly want to keep on reading. It sounds like you’ve been on such an incredible journey and I’m so glad that you found your mentor to guide you out of it. Wow again! Love to you Jocelyn and I hope that I can purchase an advance copy. Mel xxReplyCancel

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