If you are a frequent visitor here, you already know giving advice is not something I do on a regular basis. In my experience, asking for advice has always been the hardest thing for me to do. Receiving advice that feels harsh to me and out of alignment is even harder for me to accept. Recently I had a reader email me with a beautiful note thanking me for sharing my life so openly. Her words touched my heart. Her request for more practical advice got me thinking, and I am still contemplating the idea of adding this element into a few posts. I am not totally against advice; I have heard some great suggestions in my life which I will share with you today. I have also been told in the past a piece of advice that nearly put me in a mental institution.
Let’s begin with the “worst” advice. Let me set the scene for you-There I was in my immaculate home in Paradise Valley I shared with my husband at the time. I was walking through the garden with my two dogs when I heard someone drive up in the driveway. I wasn’t expecting anyone as I was home alone for a week. It had been four months since I began working with Moe and my coach on aspects of my life I wanted to change (so I am sure Wayne Dyer was playing in the background.) I walked to the front door and was shocked to see his face. I cannot say his name because he is still very close to my ex-husband and a public figure. We knew each other very well so I welcomed him inside and offered him a cup of tea which he kindly disregarded. Whatever he wanted to say he was interested in saying it quick and leaving as soon as possible.
We went out to the patio where the sun was shining, and the smell of orange blossoms wafted through the air. He looked me in the eyes and said, “Dear, you need to leave him alone and focus on what a woman is supposed to do, clean, cook and keep him happy.” I remember feeling like someone had just let all the air out of my tires and while I was working on responding rather than reacting, I just froze. I couldn’t say anything. He walked out, and I never saw him again. So, there is the worst advice, period. Now, four years later, I realize he was trying to be helpful in his unique way. His focus was on helping my ex-husband, and he wanted to protect him, but that awareness didn’t help me at the time.
After feeling like I had just lost a friend, I took myself to the cleaners and went over and over in my head what a horrible person I was. You see, this was normal for me, tackling myself instead of the issues was my main game. I lost eventually, thankfully.
I will admit, it is hard to look at that man today. I see him on television and can only remember him sitting on the patio across from me throwing his words around like they were knives. One day my feelings about this “advice” will dissolve. The important thing is that I didn’t accept the advice. I called Moe instead and we worked it through until it had no more power over me.
[bctt tweet=”With my new framework surrounding relationships being a solid foundation for being my teacher, I began to view every interaction differently.”]
Now, to the really good stuff. I have been given some wonderful advice in the past, but the one that sticks out for the most came from Moe. In an intensive we were discussing relationships and the reason for having them. She asked me if I was willing to consider seeing relationships as a teacher to learn about myself and grow in the areas that required more depth. I, of course, said, “YES.”
With my new framework surrounding relationships being a solid foundation for being my teacher, I began to view every interaction differently. I was aware that I had a lot to learn at the time, and I still do today. I do believe when relationship is teacher it is easier to sweep my side of the street, watch my behavior instead of someone else and stay in my lane. When I do those things, I am happier, and my inner interior is flexible and soft.
Giving advice is something we must all be careful with because what is right for us is not always right for another. Instead, we can ask questions in a way that leave the door open and in a sense allows others to access their answers from within their inner interior.
Have you ever been given a fantastic piece of advice that you keep in your heart at all times? Please do share! It may just inspire someone reading this post, isn’t that why we are here, to inspire and encourage others on the way to re-discovering their greatness?
Thank you for being here,
photo by me.