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The Day I Woke Up

I remember the day well, nearly five years ago I was sitting at Hollyhock with Moe in front of the fireplace while the snow came down falling lightly on the window frames. My first intensive therapy session was one I will always remember. I felt as though I had been through a soft and gentle yet tedious inner workout. I told my story from start to finish, and when complete, I felt more awake than I ever had before. It was if a veil had been lifted and I was witnessing an entirely new world for the very first time. I felt hope and most of all, loved.  The last day of our weekend together I stood in front of a window and repeated the words, I am awake….I am awake several times. I wanted that feeling of aliveness to stay even though I knew once I returned home to Arizona it would fade.  You see, I had been asleep for so many years, not knowing who I was so when I started to see a hint of light, I liked it. A lot.

I learned about my shadows and why they surface. My first inkling was to get rid of them all together so I could live on cloud 9 for the rest of my life. It seemed like a great idea at the time seeing as though I lived in the depths of  my shadow for fifteen years. I just wanted them gone, forever. I learned that I could work with my challenges using practices and in time, with a renewed consciousness the shadows would soon be something I could embrace.

The day I woke up was the day I dedicated my life to returning to who I am. I wasn’t transforming myself at all. There was no need to transform me into something different. I simply needed to return to my essential self, the one who only sees love instead of fear. I quickly realized this would be a lifetime practice, and this is the important message within this post.

If you are like me and have devoted your life to loving, spreading kindness, giving all you have with no expectation of a return than you better be ready for the shaving of the ego. With every situation, we can expect to be confronted with things that will trigger us, and we have the choice to dwell or see through the appearance of what is in front of us. We do not have time to allow the mind to dwell in things that will not move us forward. We can dispel the appearance by simply moving on and detoxing our mind by not letting it take over. {I use the word “we” here because this is something I am working on as well.}

I have an astringent practice of not allowing my mind to focus or dwell on negative thoughts or give too much power to my shadows, and I notice my day is more peaceful and calm. It is my knowing the less strength my mind (ego) has then, the more helpful I can be to others and the deeper I can grow.

So, shadows can be seen as precious gifts because they offer us an opportunity for the inner light to be exposed. When we dedicate our days to not allowing our minds to dwell and live in the world of duality, we can devote our unique gifts to the world.

I hope you have found this post helpful. Please share it with those you love, we never know what is happening in the lives of others and sharing is caring!

Wishing you a peaceful day,


  • August 13, 2015 - 1:11 am

    Linda Anker - Love love love you!!!! You are a very Special person ,,, ❤️
    Your story is one that ALL should hear so their love could be as BIG as yours !!!!ReplyCancel

    • August 17, 2015 - 4:32 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you, Mom 🙂 Love you!ReplyCancel

  • August 13, 2015 - 2:38 pm

    Mon@secretgardenhome - Thank you for these wise words Jocelyn. Totally agree that we shouldn’t dwell on negatives in our lives. There’s no point putting yourself down. Best MonxReplyCancel

    • August 17, 2015 - 4:31 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you for stopping by, Mon! You are right, we don’t have time for the negative “stuff” in life 🙂 Have a wonderful day! Jocelyn xReplyCancel

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