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The Subtle Beauty of Divorce

“When choosing between kindness and cruelty, the easier choice is cruelty: to harden your heart and disengage your humanity from the rest of society. Choosing kindness isn’t the weaker option — keeping your empathy when the world has been cruel to you is difficult because it requires keeping your heart open to vulnerability.”

{This post has been in my heart for many years now and today I felt prompted to share it. As many of you know, I share a lot from my past and what I have learned in my experience so please take this as inspiration if you should so choose.}

It was 2010, and there I was sitting in the same room where we signed our marriage license with a hopeful heart and one million tears just waiting to pour out of my eyes.

We had separated for one month to see where we needed to grow ourselves and create practices to ensure our marriage could become stable again.

After ten beautiful yet sometimes hard years of being together I could not believe this was happening to me.

He walked in and didn’t hug me. It had been a month since I heard his voice or touched his face. I hadn’t felt his warm embrace for four weeks, and I wasn’t going to that day either.

I knew it was over as soon as he walked over to the chair to sit down. He looked tired; I tried to look perfect.

He delivered his message, he was done and wanted a divorce. I can still feel the way my lip quivered as he spoke so softly I could barely hear him. I didn’t want a divorce; I wanted us to work. We were too broken, and the pieces couldn’t be put back together.

Time seemed to stand still as I froze on the inside. We had our talk, and I felt paralyzed with fear. I just wanted to cry so I ran to the same bathroom I fixed my veil in just two years prior. My fake eyelashes were falling out on the black and white tile floor as I sobbed sitting on the floor with my coach. I have never cried that hard in my entire life.

Subtle Beauty

He was all I knew for ten years, and all that ran through my mind was how I was going to live without him. How was I going to be me when all I knew was us?

As I sat up, I looked in the mirror with my swollen eyes, I told myself it was all going to be ok, and there were moments where I actually believed it would be.

I cried for three days straight and then picked myself up and did what I had to do. I allowed myself to cry in the car, go to the store, take the dogs to the vet and pay the bills that needed dealt with. My heart never hardened. I knew this was part of a greater plan, and I was merely an instrument for this divine plan.

There were times when I missed him terribly, but I had to keep moving forward. I would not look to see how he was playing or what tournament he was at. My mind would refer to every memory we had, and I would sob. After I was done emptying each tear from my eyes, I would stand up tall and keep moving.

My heart whispered “this is not it.” I knew I was going to be ok, but it wasn’t going to be a cakewalk. More was to be revealed and there came a point where I became excited about my purpose in life finally being revealed. I knew I was much more than the wife of a professional athlete and excessive laundry doer.

It required years of work, patience, contemplation and love to heal myself from the wounds divorce landed on my heart. Today I can say with my whole heart I am grateful he said shared his truth and did what he needed to do in order to live his life to the fullest.

Divorce does not have to harden our hearts but it can break it open, and it is then we have the choice to fill it up with love or bitterness.

I respect him so much for his choices; he was honest, and that is one of the most loving things anyone can do.

It is my sincere hope this post has helped support you or a friend who might be experiencing a difficult time whether it be a break-up or a divorce.  As Moe would say, we can do hard, in soft ways.

Warmly,

Jocelyn

 

photo is my own.

  • September 29, 2015 - 3:20 pm

    Sally - I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE BOOK!!!ReplyCancel

    • October 2, 2015 - 3:28 am

      Jocelyn - ME TOO!!!!! 🙂 xxReplyCancel

  • September 29, 2015 - 4:09 pm

    Moe - This post offers so much comfort to those who are where you once were ….thank you for the courage to share.ReplyCancel

    • October 2, 2015 - 3:28 am

      Jocelyn - thank you moe, you are always so loving and I appreciate it more than words can describe.ReplyCancel

  • September 30, 2015 - 12:22 pm

    Anastasia - Going through a separation is never easy and often bitterness wins over everything.. I hope you can reach as many people possible… Especially those, who are tiered of not living life to the fullest and are willing to master a broken heart with such power and grace – just the way you did it.ReplyCancel

    • October 2, 2015 - 3:28 am

      Jocelyn - Thank you, Anastasia! You are right, it isn’t easy but it is possible to come out the other side of hardship happy and healthy. xxReplyCancel

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