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Vulnerability and Validation

This past week I had the honor of speaking to over 300 creatives in L.A.  at The Yellow Conference, a gathering of people who wish to share goodness and bloom, making the world a better place. My talk was on making room for Grace to enter our lives to naturally balance relationships, careers, and our personal life. When I was asked to talk, I think I responded within a few seconds. I was SO.EXCITED.  Joanna Waterfall, the founder and creator of the conference, is a gem, a one of a kind (like you) woman who knows how to love. After my talk was over, there were lots of good questions, and one that stood out to me the most was this: “How do you deal with being vulnerable and seeking validation from others?” This question was later asked many times by several people so I thought it might me helpful to expand on it here.

vulnerability - photo by Anastasia Benko

First, for me, vulnerability, Grace and truth go hand in hand. To share my story, I am naturally putting myself in a vulnerable situation that can be very empowering when the purpose of my sharing is known and fulfilled. I don’t know if I could share so openly and honestly about my life had I not gone through many years of therapy and inner work, constantly discovering myself all over again with each coming day. A few years ago it occurred to me my story may help someone else, and that gave me the courage to keep going even when times were unbearable and I felt alone and unworthy.  Being vulnerable is very easy when the truth is expressed. I mean, what else is there to discuss? My story is based on my truth, and no one can deny that.

Now, onto validation. Validation was and at times can still be a component of my blog and speaking engagements. It has taught me so much about being understood, worthy and enough. For many months during the first stages of writing my book, I struggled with wanting validation from readers. I wondered if they would perceive me differently or perhaps hate me for doing what man choose to not do, HARD. The truth is, I needed to validate myself. I needed to honor myself for all the hard work I had done to journey through those long and very dark nights. Today, I do not seek validation from outside myself, I know that simply sharing my truth is my justification for being on a stage or having my name on the front of a book.  My story is just as unique as yours, and that is what makes us who we are. Our stories are jam-packed full of goodness and sorrow, but we have the opportunity to turn them into life-enhancing messages for others. Some may resonate with you, some may not, but know that the ones who are meant to hear your message will, and they will hear it with their heart.

So, being vulnerable takes a certain level of courage, yes but so does trying a green juice with alfalfa in it. {Gasp!} We can put the gauge on opening up, we can share a little or a lot. Let’s just make sure it is our truth and with that said, we are doing the world a favor just by being authentic.

I hope that helps some of you who are reading this and have the urge to be vulnerable and not seek validation from others. Please know this has become a practice for me and while I am not perfect, I try my best.

Vulnerably yours,

Jocelyn

 

photo kindly granted permission for use by Anastasia Benko

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