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October is hands downs my absolute favorite month of the year. Here in America we celebrate Halloween {so fun} and the smell of wood burning in fireplaces, steaming hot chai tea and cinnamon toast are everywhere. Do I even need to mention oversized comfy sweaters and boots?

Fall is for me, the ultimate season for inviting new inner trends to reveal themselves and allow the old ones to fall away. Seeing as though it is October 1st we can now begin a new monthly practice. I have decided to take the word “challenge” away as this is a trigger word for many and personally, I don’t prefer it. Life is a practice and I know all to well it is a practice to create peace and joy into my life.

A Fall Inner Interior Menu

October will be dedicated to building an inner menu that I can feast on when times get a little tight. It is about laying out my practices, tools and applications of what I have visited since the summer when this challenge began.

Here’s what I am creating on my Fall {inner} menu:

Patience: Some days I have very little of this precious gem and my practice is to make room for more patience to enter my life. Breathing is essential and as long as I am consciously aware of my breath than I am doing ok

Worry: I do this more than I would like. I worry about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. The good thing is they don’t take me down as much as they used to. I worry that my work may not be as accessible to people as I would like. My biggest worry is that my comments or words will be taken out of context. The reality is, I cannot focus all my attention on not worrying when what I need to do is focus on what I am doing in the moment.

Embracing the Drop-offs: Letting go of those pesky little dangling behaviors like thinking too much, judging myself or even others is a constant practice. Every day I practice letting these drop and fall away.

Conscious Eating Plan: At one time in my life I was sincerely disciplined with food. No sugar, wheat, dairy or meat was ever consumed and I felt in control of my life or so I thought. On one hand, this discipline was good but it wavering on the side of control and that was not serving me well. Today, I try to eat healthy and whole but there are times when I want to shove in a box of cookies because they are just so so good.

This October I am going to choose wiser, ask my body what it wants before my mind, and see how much clearer my inner life becomes. I am big believer in what I put in my body makes a difference with every aspect of my life.

Healthy inner life, peaceful and joyful outer life, right? It’s a mere reflection, ya’ll!

So, what are your practices for this month? Feel free to join me but design your practice around what works best for you.

Blessings,

Jocelyn

*photo is my own.

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“When choosing between kindness and cruelty, the easier choice is cruelty: to harden your heart and disengage your humanity from the rest of society. Choosing kindness isn’t the weaker option — keeping your empathy when the world has been cruel to you is difficult because it requires keeping your heart open to vulnerability.”

{This post has been in my heart for many years now and today I felt prompted to share it. As many of you know, I share a lot from my past and what I have learned in my experience so please take this as inspiration if you should so choose.}

It was 2010, and there I was sitting in the same room where we signed our marriage license with a hopeful heart and one million tears just waiting to pour out of my eyes.

We had separated for one month to see where we needed to grow ourselves and create practices to ensure our marriage could become stable again.

After ten beautiful yet sometimes hard years of being together I could not believe this was happening to me.

He walked in and didn’t hug me. It had been a month since I heard his voice or touched his face. I hadn’t felt his warm embrace for four weeks, and I wasn’t going to that day either.

I knew it was over as soon as he walked over to the chair to sit down. He looked tired; I tried to look perfect.

He delivered his message, he was done and wanted a divorce. I can still feel the way my lip quivered as he spoke so softly I could barely hear him. I didn’t want a divorce; I wanted us to work. We were too broken, and the pieces couldn’t be put back together.

Time seemed to stand still as I froze on the inside. We had our talk, and I felt paralyzed with fear. I just wanted to cry so I ran to the same bathroom I fixed my veil in just two years prior. My fake eyelashes were falling out on the black and white tile floor as I sobbed sitting on the floor with my coach. I have never cried that hard in my entire life.

Subtle Beauty

He was all I knew for ten years, and all that ran through my mind was how I was going to live without him. How was I going to be me when all I knew was us?

As I sat up, I looked in the mirror with my swollen eyes, I told myself it was all going to be ok, and there were moments where I actually believed it would be.

I cried for three days straight and then picked myself up and did what I had to do. I allowed myself to cry in the car, go to the store, take the dogs to the vet and pay the bills that needed dealt with. My heart never hardened. I knew this was part of a greater plan, and I was merely an instrument for this divine plan.

There were times when I missed him terribly, but I had to keep moving forward. I would not look to see how he was playing or what tournament he was at. My mind would refer to every memory we had, and I would sob. After I was done emptying each tear from my eyes, I would stand up tall and keep moving.

My heart whispered “this is not it.” I knew I was going to be ok, but it wasn’t going to be a cakewalk. More was to be revealed and there came a point where I became excited about my purpose in life finally being revealed. I knew I was much more than the wife of a professional athlete and excessive laundry doer.

It required years of work, patience, contemplation and love to heal myself from the wounds divorce landed on my heart. Today I can say with my whole heart I am grateful he said shared his truth and did what he needed to do in order to live his life to the fullest.

Divorce does not have to harden our hearts but it can break it open, and it is then we have the choice to fill it up with love or bitterness.

I respect him so much for his choices; he was honest, and that is one of the most loving things anyone can do.

It is my sincere hope this post has helped support you or a friend who might be experiencing a difficult time whether it be a break-up or a divorce.  As Moe would say, we can do hard, in soft ways.

Warmly,

Jocelyn

 

photo is my own.

  • September 29, 2015 - 3:20 pm

    Sally - I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE BOOK!!!ReplyCancel

    • October 2, 2015 - 3:28 am

      Jocelyn - ME TOO!!!!! 🙂 xxReplyCancel

  • September 29, 2015 - 4:09 pm

    Moe - This post offers so much comfort to those who are where you once were ….thank you for the courage to share.ReplyCancel

    • October 2, 2015 - 3:28 am

      Jocelyn - thank you moe, you are always so loving and I appreciate it more than words can describe.ReplyCancel

  • September 30, 2015 - 12:22 pm

    Anastasia - Going through a separation is never easy and often bitterness wins over everything.. I hope you can reach as many people possible… Especially those, who are tiered of not living life to the fullest and are willing to master a broken heart with such power and grace – just the way you did it.ReplyCancel

    • October 2, 2015 - 3:28 am

      Jocelyn - Thank you, Anastasia! You are right, it isn’t easy but it is possible to come out the other side of hardship happy and healthy. xxReplyCancel

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Everyone has a story to tell, but not everyone is ready to share it.

We all have truth, and some are willing to stand in the line of fire when that truth is tested where others are not.

Embracing my story is something that has required a great deal of work and effort to connect the dots. Owning and living my truth has brought me to a point where living boldly and honestly is the only way.

As my book is in the final editing stages, I am reminded of how my story has become a part of me, almost like another limb.  My sensitivity to others in the book forced me to write slowly and be mindful of how my expressions could affect other people. Over two-plus years, my heart bled onto each page, the suffering began to flow out of me creating a healing I had never thought possible. Many nights I would lay in my bed reading my own story and cry to the point where the pages were soaked, and the ink ran down the page creating its own artwork. I didn’t even recognize myself as the woman in the book anymore; she was so far away, and yet I loved her like my child. I believe it was in that very moment I had the inner conviction I had finally embraced my story. All the wounds were healed, and a new life had emerged. I could see my truth woven through every single sentence. I was essentially free from my story and ready to share it with the world.

Embacing Our Story & Owning Our Truth

With the new trend being sharing our stories, I do see a potential for some setbacks. I would caution anyone who thinks sharing their story is going to give them some sort of super power. As many of you know, I never give advice here in a traditional way but I will now. Sharing our story when wounds are still fresh is not a way to make the wounds go away. If we want to heal the wounds and do the work in order to share our story of hope and inspiration, then let that be the “work.” Scraping a wound that is not healed is something I have done in the past, and all it did was set me back further into the pain.

Choosing to sit back, live in a perpetual state of quotes and positive daily reminders and expect to be given the opportunity to help others and make a sincere impact was not an option. I realized I must put in the work, practiced it until the principles enveloped my inner life and took over.

As I find myself living my truth, embracing every layer and line of my story, I now know what it means to be free. If someone questions me for my decisions or criticizes me for my past then so be it. The great part about sticking to our truth is that no one can argue it.

I am not here to teach you, preach to you or make you think I am some “lifestyle expert.” I am here to share what I have learned and hopefully open a place within your heart where the light shines in and makes your inner world just a tad brighter.

Embrace your story. Own your truth. Be you.

Blessings,

Jocelyn

 

photo is my own.

  • September 21, 2015 - 3:22 pm

    Anastasia - YAY! to the new life! YAY! to the book! and YAY! to healed wounds!
    A.XOReplyCancel

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I had never heard the word paradigm before I entered what I would call my years of inner torture. The word “shift” was not foreign to me, but together they seemed like a scary combination of what I wanted but didn’t know how to achieve. Luckily, I had Moe, my guide along the path. I am sharing this today in case you find yourself in a place where you are doing this by yourself and looking for a little support.

Everyone has their own interpretation and definition of what a paradigm shift is so I won’t be getting into that here. This post is simply to share why I had to make the change and how I began to follow the threads that led me to more inner peace.

I lived in a world where veils of illusion covered my eyes; I was unable to see beyond my own comfort zone and the constraints of my human mind. I created a reality that was surrounded by materialism because “things” kept me busy and happy, or at least I thought. Experiences and situations were never seen as divinely guided or a part of my already pre-designed plan; they were just happenings that occurred.

a shift from fear to love

When my life was shattered by a painful divorce, I began what Moe calls “the round, wide curve” some experience when starting the return to their true selves. I desperately needed a new way of seeing the world and what had happened to me so instead of thinking of him and what he was doing, I got up, dusted myself off and got to work. The road to leaving my dependency on people and things was scary but I wanted it more than anything in the world. I wanted to be free and feel the sense of inner peace I felt when I was a young child with my horses.

I was told I needed to make a paradigm shift if I wanted to transform my life, and that is exactly what I did. Each and every day I found myself referring to two squares on a table. One represented my old way of thinking and witnessing my life, and the other was the new path, the journey of returning to my true self.

This was incredibly hard as my mind had been trained to think one way for so long it fought me tooth and nail. With every false belief that entered my mind, I was most of the time able to dissolve it with truth, and over time, I found myself living in a new paradigm.

Looking back now, I told myself so many lies and put my validation in things rather than seeking my peace from within my own being.

In this moment, divorce seems like a gift, a divinely guided transition in my life rather than the heart-wrenching and horrifying experience I once felt it was. After all, I wasn’t divorcing him; I was “di-vorcing” myself and the parts of me that were no longer necessary to live an extraordinary life not to mention the dependency of people, things and outcomes.

Eventually, I could close my eyes at night knowing my life was governed by something greater than me, I was abiding by a law not led by my mind. My mind began to slow down, and my heart started to beat to a new rhythm. People became my teachers. Relationships were my Master teacher, and all experiences were lessons on earth school.

It is a practice to continue to stay connected to this new way and one day I hope it will become natural to me. I enjoy having to practice remaining in the paradigm of love, it is a much more peaceful and calm way to live.  Letting go of what I want for my life is much easier now when I rely on inner guidance.

If you are asking yourself how to do this, it starts now. When you feel tight, scared and in fear of life, shift your perception to one of love, openness and softness which requires faith and trust in the Infinite Invisible of our being. Bold, I know.

Life requires a level of boldness to embrace our story.

Have you ever found yourself longing to make a paradigm shift at some stage in your life? If you have, and would like to share your experience, please do in the comment section below.

Blessings,

Jocelyn

  • September 19, 2015 - 4:51 am

    Anastasia - I had to listen to my heart and my inner self when I found myself without a job after 7 long years. At first I started thinking, I was worried and in a shock! But deep down inside was a voice, at first quiet but it got louder and louder, and it was telling me that it is going to be worth it to go in another direction, I felt: everything is going to be fine… With this deep confidence in my own abilities I started working in a completely different field. It was not a divorce and it was not the job loss that was my paradigm shift, my paradigm shift happened over the past years where I slowly learned to listen to my gut! Not only did I learn how important it is to differentiate between my mind and my gut, but I learned that it is even more important to listen to my heart! My inner calling! Thank you so much for sharing this with us – means so much to learn that our souls are on the right path… Love, A. XOReplyCancel

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I never knew the meaning of Grace but today I do.

While I used to think it was something that I needed to earn, today I know it is something that is within me. My only job is to make room for it to enter my full expression of life.

This post is not meant to define Grace for you; that is not my job. The deeper purpose is one encompassing a larger intention, and that is so that one day when I have left this plane, Oskar will be able to read these and know a little more about how I lived.

Back to Grace. During my intense recovery period, part of my daily practice was to implement practices to calm my mind. My mind was my Master, and it ran every single decision and thought. There was not a moment throughout my day when my mind was not fully engaged in processing my life and what had happened to me.

It wasn’t until my mind began to slow down and release for moments throughout my day. The inner interior of my life felt expanded, free, and I could only describe this as the fragrance of Grace. Unfortunately, I could not keep this going the entire day. I was relieved when Moe mentioned to me even the most spiritually evolved people aren’t living in a state of bliss all day long.

Through the practices, I will share with you below I was able to allow my mind to settle in a place where it felt steady and balanced. With that, Grace could flow from within me outwards into my life. I do believe we all have this; it is part of who we are.

grace

Empty The Bowl
Moe refers to this “brain dump” as emptying the bowl. This is something I did on a daily basis, and it saved my life. My mind was FULL of junk, and it was only until I realized by letting it go I was making room for the good stuff which I was in control of letting in.

I would sit down and just write what every thought was that came to my mind for five minutes only. Dwelling won’t help so just write it out and then throw it away.

Emptying the bowl can also be done with another person, but I advise you to choose a person with a healthy practice of not informing, interrupting or the desire to fix others. We only need someone to listen, and it really helps if it is someone who loves us. I do believe it is the love of another that heals our wounds.

Practicing PRINCIPLES
Being mindful of my principles kept my mind from wandering all over the map. It always wanted to land of blame, shame, judgment, criticism, hate, rage and fear. As soon as I was able to understand what my principles were in life I was able to dissolve my discord right away, leaving my mind calm.

For example, I was once given an opportunity to write for a magazine and after submitting my article it was torn apart in edits. The editor didn’t like it at all, and it ripped me up inside because I thought is was quite good. Ever experienced that before? The principle that became active in this situation was this: Every person is a teacher. Every experience is a lesson. Now, my mind started to head towards, “you are so terrible at writing – what an idiot for not checking all those errors.” but instead I implemented my principle, and the discord disappeared.

In Buddhism, it is called noble position, in the 12-step program it is referred to “Principles before Personalities” and in Christianity it is part of the 12 commandments. We need to ask ourselves what our principles are for living and then USE those throughout our day to encourage the mind to calm and make space for Grace to flow.

The Next Single Thing
I have mentioned this many times before, and while it seems incredibly easy, it is also very hard for the mind to stay singularly focused on one thing.

During the day, we can help calm the mind by doing the next single thing that will provide us with peace. For me, it was sometimes walking to the post box, opening the box, getting the mail and then looking at the mail. At the time, it felt as though I was thinking all the time but what I was doing was a type of meditation. I was just doing what I was doing. There were no extra thoughts tagging along for the joyride. My mind didn’t spring to the future or fall back to the past; it was just at the mailbox.

I still practice this today and I will for my entire life. “TNST” is what saves me when my mind starts to spiral out of balance, and I find Grace so far away.

When our minds are calm, Grace has room to flow, going before us and as us to make the crooked places straight.

Try it, give these practices a go and watch Grace take over. Feel Grace enter your full expression. It may look like a new job, a great idea, a beautiful capture with your camera or is just may result in living the life of your dreams. The choice is up to us.

The next single thing is all we have to do…..

Blessings,

Jocelyn

 

+photo is my own ~ feel free to use it if you’d like+

 

 

 

 

  • September 17, 2015 - 10:20 am

    mel - Such a beautiful post Jocelyn. I can relate to so many points – the editor ha! A brain dump is definitely something that works wonders for me. When will your book be released? Cant wait xxReplyCancel

    • September 21, 2015 - 2:59 pm

      Jocelyn - Thank you so much, Mel! xxReplyCancel

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