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I once felt as though my life was at a dead end – nowhere to go and no inspiration or access to the answers within myself. I had no compass, inner or outer. The man I shared my life with for ten years had just told me he didn’t want to be married to me anymore, and there was no more discussing it. I was left feeling empty to say the least. I felt unworthy, abandoned and worst of all, not enough. Physically I was fine; I didn’t have a debilitating disease, but it felt as if I was dying a slow death and in a way, because I was. The old “me” was dying on the inside, and in order for the light of love to enter, the opening had to be large enough.  Fast forward five years and the new/original “me” is more of what you read in these blogs and soon, my book and who I choose to be every single day.

I wanted to live fully, not just exist.

I went through what I call a dark night of the soul, several times. My dark night lasted a while and looking back now, I am glad it did.

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I can see now how hitting rock bottom actually helped bring me to where I am today. It is called “rock bottom” for a reason…it hurts, the terrain was rough and extremely exfoliating.

What I have come to learn in my experience is that sloughing off the parts of me that weren’t serving me like jealousy, inner rage, spinning mind,  control, and perfectionism were essential in moving forward.

I remember telling my coach how empty I felt, it was almost as if I was hollow. Nothing made sense. NOTHING. I constantly asked myself what I could have done better or have been better. Why did he leave? Was I really that horrible? Why? Why?

Alas, I sat through the pain. I slept through the pain. I worked through the pain by doing the work I was given to do. Sometimes, all I did was the next single thing that would bring me peace of mind. It sounds almost too simple and if you have ever tried to do the next single thing when your mind is fully activated you know how hard it is.

Today, looking back, I can see I was not at a dead end at all. I was looking straight into what I would now call a straight and narrow road to a blissful opportunity. My perception shifted, and I got a miracle, just like that. It took months and months of thinking a new way, integrating a new way of life but it happened. I can now see my worth, it is in every word of kindness I speak. My safety or security is not reliant on the validation people, rewards, honors or  or funds.

Most of all, I have immense compassion for others who feel lost or out of alignment and where I am led to help, I will.

How can we fill ourselves up if we are full? How can a vase hold fresh water for a blooming flower if it is full of old, dirty water?

If you are reading this and find yourself questioning life, yourself or your decisions then I invite you to take your foot off the gas pedal for a moment. Center yourself around something that makes you feel alive and listen. Listen. Sit down and quiet yourself and trust that we are meant to live an extraordinary life. By doing the next single thing over and over again, we allow our minds to settle into the movement of our life.

I do believe that doing the next single thing is what saved my life, and it is something I will share with anyone who asks.

It is so important not to catapult ourselves into thoughts about the future because we only have this very moment, right here and now. There is no use in going back through our past unless we can see it with love and understanding.

The Inner Interior

Our inner compass will guide us as long as we can learn to stay out of the way and allow life to unfold naturally. Please know, this is not meant to act as a lazy approach to living, in fact, it is the total opposite. When we wake every day with the understanding that we are governed by a higher power to extend our gifts, skills, love, friendship and compassion to others than we are led to the next single thing and we do it with honor.

I know all too well how hard this is but in my experience, it is what works for me, and that is the purpose of this post.

It is not meant to be advice, it is just my message to you….I hope it finds your heart.

Warmly,

Jocelyn

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Let’s talk about purpose. We hear it every day. I have probably written it thousands of times before with a very different context in mind than I do sitting here writing this post.

At times it appears the notion of finding our purpose is overwhelming and something we must do and quickly.

So, it got me thinking. Do I even know my purpose for being here? Do I really know? The answer is no because I know well enough what I am meant to do today could all of a sudden change tomorrow.

I just know I am here, and that is all I need to be aware of when it comes to fulfilling a distinct reason for being alive. One thing I am certain of is that being a mother to Oskar is something I will dedicate my life with great pride.

The more I contemplate what my *exact* purpose is the tighter I feel and the more my mind is activated which always leaves me a little on the tired side.

In a few of my recent coaching sessions, the topic of finding a purpose has come up and it has me thinking a lot about the nature of how we discover this ever so alluring “gem.” When reflecting on my own life, I see I have made it to where I am by doing the work. By the work I mean looking inside, journeying through what felt like hell and continuing to get up every morning and do it all over again. Getting quiet was beyond difficult for me in the beginning because my mind was my master, and I wasn’t able to deepen in that area of inner reflection.

The day I woke up was the day I dedicated my life to knowing who I am on the inside. As my inward journey continues, my purpose for being alive reveals itself one moment after another. Sometimes it looks a little different, it can take a sharp turn and then a wide, round curve. I’ve never thought to fight it, after all I had nothing to win. I simply stay in the river and trust this is all part of a grander plan and all I need to do is the next single thing.

To stay in the flow, to love, to connect, to listen, to hear and most of all to witness the beauty in others is my consistent practice to leading me to that purpose, whatever it may look like. It isn’t so much to become the *best* of anything, just to know myself better and better with each sun rise and set.

Purpose

I have noticed our culture puts so much pressure on us to realize our purpose early on so we can get a jump start on life and get out there and start changing the world. What if we just sit, be still and listen?

Isn’t it ok if we make mistakes because they exfoliate the areas that need healing? What if our purpose was to get up every morning and just be who we are and to the best of our ability? Then, when our “form” to share our gift shows up, we are ready and in a place to make an impact.

I was asked yesterday what I consider to be my purpose. I responded, “I believe my purpose changes every day. Sitting right here in this moment with you is one of them. Nothing more. Nothing less. Every day is different, always evolving and changing.” You guessed it; I got a blank stare and a head tilt. My friend said, “Well, don’t you feel like you need to be doing something and earning lots of money so you are safe and secure.” It was a great question and one I have asked myself millions of times. Today, my harmony is not necessarily linked to the outside world as much as it used to be. I am finding more and more peace in living a meaningful life rather than a material one.

If you have found your purpose{s} in life to be one thing or two things than that is wonderful, it truly is. For those who haven’t, what an exciting time! Every day we are given the opportunity to see every relationship as a teacher, every person a mirror, and life as a beautiful gem ready to admire.

What are your thoughts on purpose? Do you feel you have landed smack dab on your purpose or do you feel it is changing every day? Do tell, I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions.

Wishing you and everyone in your day a beautiful Tuesday,

Jocelyn x

 

**image is my own from Telluride, Colorado.

  • September 10, 2015 - 11:18 am

    mel - I definitely feel like I’m in the right place. Funny enough, being here and finding it suddenly the money aspect didn’t matter so much compared to before. So here I am, working very hard almost for free but happy! My father is a spiritual man and has never been attached to the material world (which I never understood growing up) and always had a simple salary doing something that he loved and that served people. To answer your question though, I think it’s the same purpose that evolves. Big hugs to you! Mel xxReplyCancel

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Hello, everyone! Can you believe it is the third day of September already? September is my favorite month, the changing of a new season although Arizona still feels more like the middle of summer. Alas, it is a beautiful month, and I cannot wait to see what this new season of change brings. To celebrate the new month, I invite you to join with me on my inner interior challenge that I find helps me to hone in on the part of my life that needs a little exfoliating, create more inner space and experience more calm moments throughout my day. Sound good?

I learned a long time ago the power of not allowing my mind to make up stories. It seems so simple yet I found “snipping” the storyline as soon as I was aware of it challenging. Today, this is a practice that I have used over and over again, and I found it helps to calm my mind, make more room for creativity and connection to my mission and passions.

Have you every found yourself in a situation where your mind runs wild and free creating stories that aren’t even true? Well, if you have, please know you are not alone. I mean, I don’t know anyone that has a clear mind ALL.THE.TIME. The good news is we can do something about it, and with a practice that helps us interrupt this pattern we can stop the stories before they become our reality.

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I have come to know that for me an awareness of the story “growing legs” is a good way to begin to unwind that thought by imagining a pair of scissors cutting it off. The thought is the thread and if it is leading me down a rabbit hole you betcha I am going to pull out some cute scissors and snip it right off. Done and dusted as they say! If I left the thought running and gave it power it would eventually take up so much interior space within my life I would have no time for the good stuff, you know what I am talking about?

My mind can still make up stories, but the difference is today I am aware of them, and I know how to release them. Keep in mind, I am only referring to those thoughts that take us through a rough part of the desert, we get off track and out of alignment with our principles. The positive  and uplifting thoughts we want to keep, the stories of love and compassion we never want to snip.

Please keep in mind that this is merely a practice, once we implement this in our daily routine enough it will “fire” just when we need it to and create that feeling of inner peace we all long for. Here are the other two practices from  June, July and August in case you missed them.

Let me know how this works for you, ok? If you never find yourself making up stories, then I celebrate you and your Buddha-mind!

Wishing you and everyone in your day a pleasant string of moments that make up a meaningful day.

Pumpkin Spice Lattes and all things Fall,

Jocelyn x

 

 

 

Photo by James Pritchett via Unsplash

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This past week I had the honor of speaking to over 300 creatives in L.A.  at The Yellow Conference, a gathering of people who wish to share goodness and bloom, making the world a better place. My talk was on making room for Grace to enter our lives to naturally balance relationships, careers, and our personal life. When I was asked to talk, I think I responded within a few seconds. I was SO.EXCITED.  Joanna Waterfall, the founder and creator of the conference, is a gem, a one of a kind (like you) woman who knows how to love. After my talk was over, there were lots of good questions, and one that stood out to me the most was this: “How do you deal with being vulnerable and seeking validation from others?” This question was later asked many times by several people so I thought it might me helpful to expand on it here.

vulnerability - photo by Anastasia Benko

First, for me, vulnerability, Grace and truth go hand in hand. To share my story, I am naturally putting myself in a vulnerable situation that can be very empowering when the purpose of my sharing is known and fulfilled. I don’t know if I could share so openly and honestly about my life had I not gone through many years of therapy and inner work, constantly discovering myself all over again with each coming day. A few years ago it occurred to me my story may help someone else, and that gave me the courage to keep going even when times were unbearable and I felt alone and unworthy.  Being vulnerable is very easy when the truth is expressed. I mean, what else is there to discuss? My story is based on my truth, and no one can deny that.

Now, onto validation. Validation was and at times can still be a component of my blog and speaking engagements. It has taught me so much about being understood, worthy and enough. For many months during the first stages of writing my book, I struggled with wanting validation from readers. I wondered if they would perceive me differently or perhaps hate me for doing what man choose to not do, HARD. The truth is, I needed to validate myself. I needed to honor myself for all the hard work I had done to journey through those long and very dark nights. Today, I do not seek validation from outside myself, I know that simply sharing my truth is my justification for being on a stage or having my name on the front of a book.  My story is just as unique as yours, and that is what makes us who we are. Our stories are jam-packed full of goodness and sorrow, but we have the opportunity to turn them into life-enhancing messages for others. Some may resonate with you, some may not, but know that the ones who are meant to hear your message will, and they will hear it with their heart.

So, being vulnerable takes a certain level of courage, yes but so does trying a green juice with alfalfa in it. {Gasp!} We can put the gauge on opening up, we can share a little or a lot. Let’s just make sure it is our truth and with that said, we are doing the world a favor just by being authentic.

I hope that helps some of you who are reading this and have the urge to be vulnerable and not seek validation from others. Please know this has become a practice for me and while I am not perfect, I try my best.

Vulnerably yours,

Jocelyn

 

photo kindly granted permission for use by Anastasia Benko

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It’s what helps me keep my mind calm. It is a discipline that requires patience and self compassion. Being singularly focused is a gift to my soul, it is a breath of fresh air and makes room in the inner interior of my life so that I may hear that still, small voice of God.

Some people call it mindset or mindfulness, but I like to call it being singularly focused. When the things that do not matter are out of focus life becomes brighter, and I find my clarity is more abundant. Imagine a photo of beautiful flowers in a meadow where only the flowers are in focus, it ‘s not that the meadow isn’t important it’s rather the flowers are the focal point. I tend to have many “photos” of the meadow, grass, dirt, flowers, petals, sky, clouds and more which clogs my focal points causing a slight disruption in my day. I am grateful for the awareness and with it I can begin to slip in the practice of focusing on what is in front of me which is usually the more important task anyway.

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When I find myself focusing on two things at once, I must stop myself and interrupt this pattern because it is not going to serve me. I know for me, I simply cannot do two things at once. When I am with someone, and we are having a conversation, I cannot be looking at my phone at the same time. One, it isn’t kind and there is no way I can listen to what is being said.

I am certainly not perfect at this but I try every day to be better than I was yesterday. With that said,  staying singularly focused on my practices is what leads me to that calm state of being where I am led from within as opposed to “doing and doing and doing”.

How do you stay focused? Do you find it an easy task?

Have a wonderful weekend,

Jocelyn x

  • August 25, 2015 - 12:57 am

    tina @ Colourliving - Staying focused is one of the things I enjoy most. It’s not always possible but I love engaging in the moment.

    I notice that most people do look at their phones whilst having conversations. It irritates me but sometimes I catch myself doing the same.

    The only way is to be aware and to keep trying to stay focused.
    xxReplyCancel

    • September 1, 2015 - 7:13 pm

      Jocelyn - You are so good at staying focused, Tina. It is apparent in your sketches which I have come to truly appreciate more than ever! xReplyCancel

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